When Homeschool Moms Are Mean

We need to chat about something that I’ve noticed recently.

Homeschool moms can be really mean to each other.

 

Just when you thought you left all that high school drama behind you…welcome to the world of homeschool mean moms.

Have you encountered one of them?

Unfortunately, I’ve met several.

 

Some moms want to compare their curriculum to yours. They want to find ways that their curriculum is superior and more rigorous than yours.

 

Other homeschool moms think their homeschool style is better than yours. They have found the “right way” to homeschool and it’s definitely the best.

 

Sometimes homeschool moms are so involved in their co-op group that it becomes cliquish. They aren’t willing to make friends outside of their co-op group and you’re left feeling like an outsider if you’re in a different co-op or even if you’re crazy enough to belong to no co-op at all.

 

Homeschool moms are sometimes subtly critical of your homeschool style while others might be openly critical of some of your choices.

 

Now, not all moms compare their homeschool to yours aloud. Most of the time the criticisms are only in their head – yes, they are silently judging you.

 

How do I know this is true?

 

Sadly, I’ve fallen into this trap and silently compared myself to other homeschoolers. Whenever I felt like I was coming up short, I would look for something negative about their curriculum, their homeschool style, or their routine. I listened to them talk about their homeschool and then I sat back and quietly judged their choices.

 

Homeschool moms, this isn’t ok. This is so hurtful and it only weakens the homeschool community. We should stick together, build each other up, and encourage others in their homeschool journey.

When you’re talking to another homeschool mom, here are some thoughts that should NEVER cross your mind:

  • My curriculum is better
  • My co-op is better
  • My style of homeschooling is better
  • My homeschool is more rigorous
  • My kids are more advanced
  • I do more and get more done
  • Her homeschool is lacking
  • She doesn’t do enough

 

Why do we think these things?

I believe these thoughts are rooted in insecurity. As homeschool moms we often worry that we are failing, our curriculum is not the best, our style is inadequate. We worry that we are not enough.

Those insecurities cause us to judge the other homeschool moms we meet.

 

I’m here to tell you that you’re not failing. Your curriculum is the best choice for your family. Your homeschool style is perfect for you. You are enough – for your homeschool, for your family, for your kids, for this job of homeschooling.

 

Whenever you’re tempted to say or think something negative about another homeschool mom, take a deep breath and say something positive instead. Find several encouraging things that you can say to another homeschool mom.

 

Remind yourself that judging others is a product of your own insecurity. Chances are that she suffers from her own homeschool insecurities. She has her own struggles and fears.

 

Let’s end the homeschool insecurity. How much better would we be as homeschool moms if we looked for the positive aspects of each others homeschools and pointed them out?

 

Further Reading

Dear Mom Who Thinks She is a Failure

Homeschool Super Mom

Prayer Guide for the Homeschool Mom

Just a Stay At Home Mom

Confessions of This Homeschool Mom 

Be Sure to Catch the Other Posts in this Series

When Homeschool Moms Are Mean

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Talking to Another Homeschool Mom

Don’t Tell Me About Your Homeschool Day

Defending Your Homeschool Choices

How Homeschool Styles are Like Toothpaste

15 thoughts on “When Homeschool Moms Are Mean

  1. I’m not a homeschooler myself, but my friend is and I’ve heard from her just how clique-ish the other moms can be. I don’t understand why moms can’t just support one another, plain and simple?!

    1. I know! I was so discouraged to find that homeschool moms can form cliques and be really rude to one another. After experiencing it more than once, I felt compelled to write about it. I hope that we can all learn to be more supportive and encouraging to one another.

  2. This is such a beautiful post. I am not a homeschooler – or even a mom – but your message still really resonates with me. In fact, I think this is a message we need to send women in general. Stop judging one another and start propping each other up. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, so help out when someone struggles, listen and empathize with those who need an ear, and celebrate one another’s accomplishments! That’s what our world needs today. Thank you for sharing this wonderful reminder 🙂
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  3. I homeschooled a couple years ago until we moved (and just couldn’t handle the stress of it), and you just put into words something that I felt, but never had the clarity to give words to. I definitely felt insecure, and in that I tried to find approval of other homeschool moms. Which I did not get obviously. In the end, I did what worked for us, but always felt the pull to do more, or felt like I needed to be better at it. I’m sure I will one day go back to homeschooling, and the next time I will be more confident.

    1. Yes, I think we all battle some form of insecurity. I wish we could just be more gracious and compassionate to one another. And yes, homeschooling is very very hard (as is parenting) so it’s very important to be encouraging to each other.

  4. I think this happens with ALL people, for many situations. Naturally ‘mean’ people will find a way to criticize and bring in that high school drama, whether it’s a homeschool mom or a PTA mom. *sigh* It gets so tiring, doesn’t it? I admire homeschoolers, it’s such hard, hard work!

  5. The truth is we as mothers need to be more supportive in all aspects of parenting! I never thought of homeschooling moms being judgemental like this, but I can imagine it would be difficult! If your homeschooling, you need all the support you can get!

    1. I was really surprised when I learned that homeschool moms can be very judgemental. It was so upsetting the first time one of them made a really rude comment to me. I wish we could support each other in our homeschool journey! Homeschooling is hard and we need each other!

    1. Yes, the comparison thing can be such a challenge. It can make you feel really discouraged in your homeschool journey. And I’ve found that a lot of other homeschool moms like to try to compare themselves to you so it’s really hard to avoid this discussion!

  6. When I first started and had questions I tried to ask other Homeschool Moms and they wasn’t very helpful and some were rude and just walked away. It almost made me quite. So I Pray I never treat someone like this.

    1. It’s so frustrating when other moms can’t encourage and support us. I have met homeschool moms who just want to compare their homeschool to mine. It’s so discouraging!

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