Lately, we’ve been trapped in a cycle of busyness that has been wearisome. I’ve sometimes felt like we had no idea what the other person was doing. My husband is my best friend but I felt like we weren’t connecting well. I missed him!
We lost some of the delight in our marriage and in our relationship. We’re going to get it back!
Miscommunication is easy, especially in a marriage. You say one thing, your spouse hears another. Or maybe your body language or your tone tells another story. Other times you might shut out all communication because you’re tired of being hurt. Lack of communication can destroy a marriage. Spouses have to be on the same page.
Communication in marriage should be one long conversation. It will never be perfect, but it should always be a work in progress.
I’ve resolved to find ways to delight in our conversations even with the constant interruptions.
We make time to have reoccuring date nights. These are not always nights that we go out on the town. No, often we stay home and plan to have all the dishes done, the laundry caught up, and the house clutter free. We put the kids to bed a little early and have an entire evening of catching up. We sometimes watch a movie together, spend time chatting, or play games. This is our time to reconnect.
We make the most of our time. Sometimes the only time we can have a good conversation while the kids are awake is in the car. We have a huge collection of audio books and let the kids choose one for our drive. Then we put all the sound in the backseat and we take time to catch up as we hit the road. We try to find any quiet moment to keep the conversation going.
We talk frequently throughout the day via texts. Technology can be a huge distraction in our world. However, it can also be so helpful. We stay connected throughout the day with lots of little messages. I update him throughout the day with what we’re doing via pictures, texts, or videos and we send encouraging notes back and forth throughout the day. It’s so sweet to know that he’s thinking of me between his meetings and conference calls.
Of course, there’s also the old fashioned note too. Leaving one under a pillow or written across a mirror can change my entire perspective for the day.
And when topics are hard to discuss or difficult things need to be said, we’ve resorted to writing or typing out our thoughts and giving them to each other. This helps us take time to respond when we’re not in the heat of the moment. We’ve also found that it’s easier to think through things when you have to take the time to write them out – you’re also avoiding the hurt of being interrupted.
We’re going to delight in our conversation even when difficult things need to be said
Your spouse is usually the person who knows you best. And it’s no fun when they call you out on the carpet. I need that accountability to show me where I’m falling short but it’s not fun to have those hard conversations. Yet I’m so thankful that my husband and I are close enough that we can have honest heart-to-hearts and keep each other accountable.
I’ve needed some accountability in a few areas lately: staying more patient with the kids, getting my Bible study done, keeping up with the dishes and laundry, making sure the menu is planned and the grocery list made. And I try to help my hubby stay accountable with his work and school commitments as well as in his Bible study.
How do we do this? We often give each other “time off” to have some focused quiet time. Sometimes he takes all the kids somewhere or is in charge of playing with them and then putting them to bed. We trade off on bedtime or entertainment duty to give the other spouse a break to focus on something other than the daily responsibilities. Of course, I also make awesome to-do lists that I keep on my phone that can be emailed at a moment’s notice. My hubby has been known to lock me in the office with my Bible and Bible study book and something chocolate. He doesn’t let me out until I’ve made some serious progress. Now, that’s accountability that I can enjoy!
It can be hard to find joy in being convicted and being held accountable but I’m going to delight that I have someone who cares enough about me to push me, challenge me, and encourage me.
My hubby and I are so different. We are opposites in almost every way. I’ll never forget our premarital counseling session when we reviewed the results of our personality tests. When my graph went up, his went down, and when my graph hit rock bottom, his was sky high. Our pastor laughed and pointed out that we were very opposite and were the most backwards/opposite couple personality-wise that he had ever counseled. So, just know that we are so different and we’ve had more than a few challenges and discussions that arose out of those differences.
However, I’ve come to delight in our differences. I have changed and grown so much over the past 10 years of marriage. I can appreciate how he’s forced me to accept a little spontaneity and flexibility. I’ve tried new things, discovered things about myself that I would never have known, and I’ve come to view the world in a new light after my exposure to my husband’s perspective. I can know that when I bring a problem or question to my husband he will see things from a completely different angle and will present solutions that I would never have reached. He can think outside the box and his insights can stop me in my tracks, providing a paradigm shift is often much-needed.
So, although our differences have presented challenges and frustration, I take delight in them for how I’ve learned when seeing things through his eyes.